Last night I was working on Brooke's birthday dress (I've been slacking- her party is tonight and I still have some handstitching to do!) and I was thinking about what an Idiot I am. I made two more sales this week at my Etsy shop and it went straight to my head. I felt like such a bigshot, like I was some high end fashion designer already! So I went out and bought a couple pairs of shoes (gorgeous high fashion shoes!) that cost more than what I've even made in my Etsy shop! How utterly ridiculous of me! Ugh. I'm kind of disgusted with myself even now...
Since when did this start to be all about money and material possessions?! How did I let two little sales go to my head?! This Is Soooo Not What It's Suppose To Be About.
I like- no I looove making clothes... Sure, I want to be successful but at what cost? I don't want to charge people a kazillion dollars for something I make, it just seems absurd. If you like what I make I want you to be able to have it. I realize my prices may be a little higher than retail but that's because it's handmade. A lot of time and care and patience and love go into every one of my garments...
Sometimes I wish I could trade lives with an Eithiopian (you probably think I'm crazy now) but really, who's life is more difficult? I struggle everyday to survive, and in between all that I succumb to materialism, pride, and self-loafing, sometimes I'm self-centered, I compare my worthiness to others that are more successful, more beautiful, more out-going than I... Sure the Eithiopian will never have the luxuries I enjoy, most are just trying to survive. Not like how you and I survive but just the very basic Survival Of The Fittest. What I would give to not have the condescending materialism and egotism of this world in my face everyday. I don't want to be rich. What would I do with all that money? Probably succumb to every weak human desire and become a selfish, stuck up, prude. Ahhhh.... That life definitely has it's appeals too though, to be able to travel, to help those less fortunate, to not have to worry every damn day how I'm going to feed my family... Is it weird to be stuck wanting two polar oppisates: to be an Eithiopian or ridiculously rich?
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I don't think it is weird to want to be two polar opposites, because everyone wants to be something that they are not. You (and everyone else in the world, including myself) need to learn to be happy and love they way you are, in the middle. You shouldn't feel bad about the stuff you have, because you are giving to your children and husband everyday. And if you had more I'm sure you would give more. And who doesn't want to be rich? If you are feeling bad about the shoes, you can return one of them. But I think it is good to treat yourself, because I am sure you had doubts that your hard work would pay off? I know I did and still do. But now you are seeing the light at the end of the tunnel! So these sales are the first of many. Good Job! And sorry about the novel...lol
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